As an Autistic person, the world very often confuses me. I do not think I am alone in that. One of the problems, as I see it, is that people, both neurodiverse and neurotypical, overestimate how alike people are and thus assume that others just understand. But that is not the case, especially for Autistic people like me. I can only navigate through society through rules and routines. But it is very difficult to learn rules without some understanding. People are so different that in many cases, there are no clear discernible rules. (Dating is an area fraught with a lack of rules, and honesty, but that will be the topic of another post.) Neurotypical people often do not want to answer questions so when we neurodiverse try to ask questions to understand, we are looked at strangely.
However, I think this is not done out of frustration or exasperation (though sometimes it surely is). I believe it is because people just do not think that others do not understand things. I call this the Broccoli Problem. Do you like broccoli? If you do not, then you know how it feels to put a piece of broccoli in your mouth and be disgusted (adjective could vary depending upon individual level of distaste, of course). However, you do not know how it feels to put a piece of broccoli in your mouth and enjoy it. And of course, the opposite is also true; those that like broccoli know what it is like to enjoy it but have no definitive concept of being disgusted by it. People can intellectualize what it could be like to feel differently, for example, if one hates broccoli yet loves asparagus (or any other vegetable), that can serve as a sort of analogous experience. The exact nature, however, cannot be truly known, in my opinion. Two people can take a spear of prepared broccoli, slice it in half, and still have two completely distinct, and potentially opposite, reactions. (For the record, I detest broccoli.) Clearly, the broccoli example is very simple and certainly would not prevent two people with differing broccoli preferences from enjoying a meal together.
When people do not share their specific broccoli preference, that meal itself, could be less enjoyable if the one preparing the meal only takes into consideration their own preference. If you assume someone likes broccoli as you do, you will serve something that will disgust someone like me. The fix is simple, ask others their preferences and either make one thing that everyone likes or make multiple side dishes so people can pick their preferred. Now, actual broccoli preferences are minor in the grand scheme of things. But raise it up to neurodiverse versus neurotypical. Since society is built for neurotypical people, the experience for neurodiverse people suffers. Society has assumed that everyone likes broccoli, but that is not true.
Making matters worse is that when I try to seek understanding, it is easier for people to go find a friend that likes broccoli rather than making an extra side dish or forgoing broccoli all together. In the macro environment, that is also a problem in my opinion. People have a wide range of opinions and experiences. That could serve to strengthen society, but we use that as an excuse to splinter. Just because we do not know what another’s experiences are, it does not mean that we cannot understand. We just need to communicate and share our experiences. Together we can share a meal that has enough diversity of food that we are all satisfied. It may not be the best meal ever since the foods in common may not be everyone’s favorite. But imagine the company you could have while sharing a meal that is still pretty good. That is why I, and I assume many of the others in the Autistic community, want to share our stories, our experiences, our broccoli preferences.