This is really difficult for me to write. I am extremely agitated as I write this. I am not upset with anyone specifically but I get how what I want to say could be upsetting to some people. But, I am Autistic. I see things as I see them. I say things that I feel. When I am not masking that is, and I am not masking now – I am stimming up a storm right now, trying to write this, trying to calm down, while at the same time wanting to do something, wanting things to change, wanting to be free to be my true, authentic self.
Autism is not a hidden disability. It is just masked. The question is why is it masked. Yes, those tortured by ABA were forced to mask, but the rest of us? I believe we mask for really only one reason. Fear. It is scary putting your true, authentic self out there. The thought of being mistreated or isolated is terrifying. And make no mistake, Autistic people are mistreated and isolated. Because we are different. But why are we mistreated?
Before I move on, I want to acknowledge that I am coming from a place of massive privilege. Many Autistic people have to deal with friends and family that weigh heavily on the decision to unmask or disclose (which are two very different things). My self-mask alienated pretty much everyone whose path I crossed (of course, that is a horrible thing, but in this case, it does make things easier as I build a life with friends who know I am Autistic from the get-go. I have already lost friends and family because of my Autism). I am also very fortunate in my working existence. I have found a company that is open-minded. Every boss I have had in my current company has been very understanding. I have been able to get some accommodations without having to disclose or fight for them (I did seek the accommodations by letting my boss know what I need without getting into the why). I am able to work and live on my own.
I understand that many, many others are not in the position I am so the things I say may sound harsh, critical, judgmental. They are not. I completely understand that everyone has their own issues and challenges. I am NOT advocating that everyone should just unmask. I would NEVER say that everyone must disclose. But, going back to the question of why Autistic people are mistreated. As I see it, there is one major reason for it. Lack of understanding and acceptance. Neurotypicals do not know what having a neurodivergent brain feels like. Neurotypicals do not intend to treat us badly. Yes, we in the Autism community are a poorly treated minority. But we are not treated poorly because of who we are, we are treated poorly because of what others do not know.
There are stupid, angry, white men currently actively trying to control women’s reproductive rights. There are stupid, angry, white men currently actively trying to vilify and other people that merely are different than they are (whether it is the color of their skin, their gender, their sexual orientation). As far as I can tell, there is no one actively trying to make Autistic people uncomfortable or intentionally treated poorly (yes, of course, there are individuals that are just dicks, but I am speaking in the aggregate).
So why do we suffer? Again, it is fear. But is that fear helpful? I do not think so. That fear, that mistreatment could largely go away if we work toward acceptance. We cannot be accepted if we continually mask, if we continually acquiesce to our fear. Now, I am not advocating that every Autistic person needs to unmask. I do not ever want anyone to do things that they are not comfortable doing. But I also believe that everyone is capable of doing something. If nothing else, we, as the Autism community must support each other and encouraging masking as a general rule is NOT supporting each other. When an Autistic person advocates for damaging strategies, that is NOT supporting each other. When an Autistic person uses damaging language, that is NOT supporting each other.
I am not a fan of repeating myself, but. I am not saying that every Autistic person needs to unmask. I am not saying that every Autistic person needs to disclose. What I am saying is that EVERY Autistic person (and every ally of the Autism community) must do whatever they can so that we can gain that acceptance from society. When we get that acceptance, we will not have to mask. We will not have to disclose. We will be able to just be our true, authentic selves.
Will we ever get to that spot? I do not know. But I do know that we will never get there if we continue to hide. We need to do what we can. If someone is capable of unmasking or disclosing, they should do so (I hate that I have to repeat myself yet again, but if someone is not capable of unmasking or disclosing, they should NOT do so). If someone hears someone using ableist language, or even worse horrible, damaging terms like functioning labels and they are capable of confronting that, they should do so. If someone has a friend or family member that disparages either them directly or just neurodivergence in general and they are capable of confronting that, they should do so. If someone hears someone in public using super powers or savant syndrome to justify Autism and they are capable of glaring at that person, they should do so. It does not matter to what degree you can raise acceptance. What matters is that you do it. When enough of us do so, we will make it easier, not only for ourselves, but also for those who currently cannot.